Never Woke Up

We have all heard the sayings, in various words and languages that basically boil down to the same thing.
“Carpe Diem” “Live like you’re dying.” You get what I’m talking about.

But I was struck with a thought on my drive home today. What if I close my eyes to sleep, and never wake up? A morbid take on the age-old sentiment, but one that struck me as more than a pep talk for spontaneity.

You are in bed, tired and ready to get some shut eye, maybe some prayers are uttered, (the request-to-gratitude ratio is heavily tipped towards the former, if you’re like me), perhaps a to-do list for the next day, week, and/or month bounces around your skull; and then your eyelids shut, and that’s it.

The sayings always imply that you’re going to die the next day, but what if the sayings implied that you were going to die in hours, if not minutes? How would you handle that? Obviously you are not going to jump up and complete your bucket list, because you lived the day like any other, and they just don’t let civilians do high altitude skydives at night. All you have left to do is reflect and pray.

Would you be able to see the miracles that intertwined in your mundane day? Would you be proud of your conduct towards others? Your thoughts towards others? Your thoughts about yourself? Could you accept the not-so-nice things you may have done, and be able to rise above our negative-centric status-quo, and acknowledge the good that you do? Would you want to strive to fix your wrongs, and spread more love and joy in the world; if you got the chance to wake up? Would you endeavor to stop complaining, vocally or internally, about your life situation and take each day for what it truly is, 86,400 miracles; because every second is one more piece of time that you got to be a part of.

I want to be a person that at the end of the day, I would be okay if it were my time to go. Of course there will always be things that I want to do. But if I was called home after closing my eyes, I want to feel like I spent my last day present and grateful in every possible moment, and spreading as much love as I had to give plus a little more.

So take it or leave it, but I think my major attitude adjustment for the year is going to start at the end of each day…What if I Never Woke up?

What Happens?

When you hold your breath

waiting for “life” to begin?

To dreams when you let them

fade with past years?

When you have to fight

to be present every day,

to escape the figment of

future that keeps

scratching against

your inner ear?

When the voices of all

those closest to you

get too loud,

like a fanatic crowd?

When fear, mistrust,

stress & anxiety

make you run away

from the life you profess

to be working so hard for.

When you just want

a moment of quietude,

but can’t stand silence.

When all you want to do is lay around,

but you can’t endure to be still any longer.

When you are desperately

trying to get over

childish hang ups,

selfish wants,

yourself.

When the thought of asking

for help is appalling,

demeaning,

and necessary.

What happens when you get tired

of being asked,

and of asking the

what?

where?

why?

who?

how?

and

when?

of your life.

When you just want

answers

but can’t stand to ask

questions.

What happens?