Numb Routine

“Numb: 2 Unable to think, feel, or react normally because of something that shocks or upsets you.
-Devoid of emotion.”
“Routine: 3 Regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.”

Most of the people in my life are personally happy for me. Can that count as my own personal happiness?

I feel next to nothing. Sure, my heart beating irregularly, which is normal; my lungs making magic with oxygen…that’s about it.

Other peoples’ facial expressions and tone are my indicators for the proper emotion to convey.

One day I will be a human again. One day I will explain my situation and not have to wait for everyone else’s reaction before having mine.

Hopefully for more than one day.

Until that far off time that starts with a sunrise, and ends with a sunset, I will be. And wait for the “big things” everyone keeps talking about.

Emotionless and empty, but a vase can only hold fresh flowers once the dead ones have been thrown out.

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References Available Upon Request

The career searching process is baffling to me. Most employers state that they are looking for “well-rounded” employees, yet the standard format of a resume (which I mostly threw out my opened window) and a cover letter is so formal and quantified. How is it possible to see if I am a well-rounded person if society’s rules for how to present my employment eligibility is caged up in bullet points of statistics and facts?

Yes I write my past and present accomplishments with colorful yet professional language, and I know that I can put a section of “hobbies” or “other skills”, but even then, I feel like I am giving a bland description. Besides, most employers would skip over that and look at my job experience, which of course is in none of the fields I am trying to pursue. I wish it was professional to say “What I lack in job experience, I make up for in life experience!”

Below is what I would list off in the “hobbies” section, how I was taught is the acceptable form of what is supposed to be a one-liner section, and then how I really want to present it.

Hobbies:

Travel, outdoor activities, art and theater, cooking, writing, and adventure.

Hobbies:

Traveling to other countries has been something that I have been blessed with. I have been down the Amazon River, through the Panama Canal, visited Costa Rico and an island that made me seriously doubt that Jurassic Park was strictly fictional, Mexico was fun, Italy made me want to cry from it’s beauty, New Zealand was nothing but amazing natural adventures, and every time I get to explore more of my country my gratitude for living in the US grows. Basically, I love to travel not only to see the beauty in the world, but to discover cultures, not through pamphlets in a 4-star hotel lobby, but by going and finding it.It follows suit that I love outdoor activities, hiking, biking, swimming, snowboarding, shooting guns, paddle-boarding, picnicking, and in general just soaking up the wonders around me.

It is not always necessary to go out into nature to witness those things that give you a different perspective on life. At a young age I started my love affair with art, music, and theater. In my mind these are the things that have allowed humans to express themselves in a way that reaches out to others, and dives into the psyche of each individual.

I have Italian blood in me, cooking, sharing food and drink, that is love.Writing is my venue, it is what has always been there, what has always made sense and happiness in my life.

Adventure, I am aware that technically this is not a hobby, but it sounds a whole lot better than “having fun”. To be completely honest, I wasn’t supposed to live past my first week, so it is a goal of mine to continually remind myself that every moment, every experience, and every day is an opportunity for new adventures; and it is up to me to have the courage to embrace that, to not fear the bite of life.

Thank you for taking the time of reading my resume. If you didn’t infer from the quantified facts and statistics, I am a people person, I learn fast, I am bold, and I am the person you are looking for.

References available upon request.

The Perpetual Motion of the Stagnate Life

The airport has been my buddy,

The passengers around me…

varied degrees of annoying,

for which I thank God for the Ipod,

and my ability to convincingly

pretend to sleep.

Service to others

has been my occupation

as of late.

It brings me joy to be useful

to others, but

leaves me wondering…

when am I going to be

useful to myself?

I have been

living out of a suitcase,

leaving piles of miscellaneous

crap from my previous trips

on the floor,

and I fear my life

got thrown in one of those piles.

I keep myself busy.

I have things to do.

People to talk to, to help.

Words to write.

Images to create.

My body is moving all

the time.

My heart arrhythmia acts out

as proof of my motion.

My life is stagnate.

I feel as if I am looking for that path

that was made for me to

stumble along,

but I can’t see the small cliff

I am about to fall off of.

I am claustrophobic in my own life,

but I am positive that soon,

very soon,

My life will be going faster

than I believe I can handle.

Until then,

I will be useful,

I will smile,

I will write,

I will breath in the fact

that I have support and love,

and I will work toward spreading

that as far as I can.

My life may not be moving,

but my heart is skipping around

my ribcage.