Oh Life

Life is messy.

Life is beautiful.

Life is hard, wear a helmet.

Life is full of cliches.

Life is in every breath.

Every smile.

Every tear.

Life is more than

a tangle of

worn phrases

and

repetitive circumstances.

                                                                   Breath in.

Heart beat.

                                                            Breath out.

Heart beat.

Repeat until your last second.

Life is the intangible drive

to seek the unknown

and unseen.

Life is one of the

greatest mysteries

we will ever encounter.

What is the meaning of life?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Cliches are cliches

for a reason.

Every generation

has the same questions.

But life is in

the unanswered solutions.

And the beauty of that

should deliver a sense

of discovery,

and dare I say,

a slice of chaotic peace.

Undeclared

There was a complication when it came to getting into college. I had the early admission going for me, so by October of my senior year of high school, I was already admitted and picking out my freshman classes, all I had to do was get through the rest of high school. Then came a call in April, the major program I had chosen, in my mind the life path I had chosen, was cancelled; but not to worry, they offered me the chance to go to the wildly expensive university undeclared. There I was, April of my senior year, heartbroken, and seeing as I had turned down all the other schools that had accepted me…futureless. I refused to go undeclared, and my mom spent her days cold calling colleges to see if any would let send my transcripts for a late admission.

I ended up in the perfect place for me, but it took a leap, not without some stumbling, to get there. Now I find myself in a situation where I feel I have compromised myself. I still have my faith, but I’m afraid that fear is leading me to an undeclared life. The blessings do not run short in my life, I am aware, and not nearly as thankful as I should be for that, but…I feel futureless again. When looking for a career, I have an idea of what I want to do, but now I am feeling it is not what I should do, what I’m made to do.

It is strange, being so stubborn, looking at a job search engine, knowing the keywords that I want to type, and knowing that they are not the right words to enter. It is frustrating, not knowing where I am supposed to go, what I am supposed to do. It warms my heart, and breaks it at the same time, knowing all too well that God is going to choose my path, He and He alone will put things in motion, and I have but to wait in patience, ready for action, ready for a leap of faith.

 

I have just a little longer of living an undeclared life, before He shows me the way.

Trust

Trust has never been easy for me. Even as a child, I wouldn’t want to look into people’s eyes, because I thought they would be able to see and know everything.

 

Being full grown, now I know. People can look into my eyes, and see only that light which I choose to shine on them. People will open up to me and tell me their life story, for no other reason than I must seem trustworthy. And no, I am not a bartender, so liquid courage is not a factor in these strangers’ confessions.

 

There are times when I wonder if these people are fools. I am trustworthy, make no mistake, but who offers up that kind of information to a stranger? If I had hacking skills, and a total lack of morals, I could accurately guess all of their passwords!

 

And then, the far more likely reality hits me. I’m the fool. A victim of this individualistic world, I see most things through a darker lens. Sure my personality is bubbly, I do in fact smile a lot, and strive to treat everyone with kindness and love, but do I ever share in that hope and trust of mankind?

 

I barely share everything with loved ones.

 

Trust.

Trust.

Trust.

 

Who knew five letters would make me work so hard.

HE is

I ask for no one’s

permission.

I seek no one’s

approval,

save Him who is

my Savior.

Life is not meant

to be tentatively survived.

Life is be lived

through love.

Something, that in all cultures,

has conquered pain,

evil,

despair,

logic,

and most famously…death.

Love is something

that makes weaknesses strengths,

and strengths humbling.

It is

the clarity of insanity,

the gentlest super power,

the most aggravating balm,

the silent music of the heart,

and the loudest

most urgently calling

whisper

that your soul will not ignore.

Love, in its most

pure form

is our entire cause

of being.

It is

my grace-filled burden,

my jubilant battle,

my daily

endless goal.