There was a complication when it came to getting into college. I had the early admission going for me, so by October of my senior year of high school, I was already admitted and picking out my freshman classes, all I had to do was get through the rest of high school. Then came a call in April, the major program I had chosen, in my mind the life path I had chosen, was cancelled; but not to worry, they offered me the chance to go to the wildly expensive university undeclared. There I was, April of my senior year, heartbroken, and seeing as I had turned down all the other schools that had accepted me…futureless. I refused to go undeclared, and my mom spent her days cold calling colleges to see if any would let send my transcripts for a late admission.
I ended up in the perfect place for me, but it took a leap, not without some stumbling, to get there. Now I find myself in a situation where I feel I have compromised myself. I still have my faith, but I’m afraid that fear is leading me to an undeclared life. The blessings do not run short in my life, I am aware, and not nearly as thankful as I should be for that, but…I feel futureless again. When looking for a career, I have an idea of what I want to do, but now I am feeling it is not what I should do, what I’m made to do.
It is strange, being so stubborn, looking at a job search engine, knowing the keywords that I want to type, and knowing that they are not the right words to enter. It is frustrating, not knowing where I am supposed to go, what I am supposed to do. It warms my heart, and breaks it at the same time, knowing all too well that God is going to choose my path, He and He alone will put things in motion, and I have but to wait in patience, ready for action, ready for a leap of faith.
I have just a little longer of living an undeclared life, before He shows me the way.