My life is being pushed around by a personal Cerberus. My brain is split in three, and unlike Hades’ loyal guard dog, my three heads do not represent past, present, and future; and the only thing they are stopping from entering my brain is logic.
Every day I daydream about working as an intern at a studio, working my way up to becoming a screenplay writer. When asked what industry I want to get into, I say children’s publishing. And when I ask myself what I want to do with the rest of my life, my heart says being a full time novelist.
No wonder I am all over the place. My subconscious, mouth, and heart can’t even agree on something! It is undeniable that writing in general is what I want to do, because I get that spark in my soul, and I start rambling like an excited crack head when talking about writing. I just wish that when I sit down, and try and shut up my three minds, when I delve into my brain, that I could find a practical skill that made me as happy as writing.
My friend is a financial analyst, you should hear her when she talks about statics and what not. I smile and nod, trying to seem like I get what she is talking about, because I know that is what she does when I talk about my writing projects. When I bring up this topic of practical skills, my dad always says that the world would not be a pleasant place without artists.
It’s exhausting. Looking for a “real” job, filling out application after application. The whole time trying to listen to all three heads that are barking out orders at me. At least Hades could command Cerberus to shut up, I’m stuck in the middle of a wrestling match between three figurative heads that are as much a part of me as my nose, trying to figure out what way to go, which one to listen to, and if I need to take an insanity test.
One of these days my Cerberus will stop the nonsense from sneaking into my brain, and keep my true skills and inspirations from escaping…but until then I am one confused knot, tied up by my three minds, subconscious, mouth, and heart.