It’s final. I’m done. KCACTF Region 8 was the last connection that I had with college. The theater festival was amazing. Sure I didn’t sleep much, but I learn so much about other artists, and myself.
I witnessed hundreds of students that are like me, trying to figure out this crazy life through art. I saw wonderful productions put on by schools from all over the south western corner of this great country, and I felt something that I rarely feel outside of writing as I watched all of these incredible people transform themselves on stage. Relief. Connection. I am an admitted emotional cripple. When a situation gets too overwhelming or prying with emotion I shut down, I act as a robot. I’m not proud of it, but as a person that is particularly sensitive to the waves of energy that people send out, it’s sometimes easier not to feel anything. That’s a lie. It’s always easier, but this past week I tried to fight that fear, that weakness of shutting down. Thanks to the talent of the actors I watched, I let go.
I saw that people in the audience weren’t afraid or ashamed to cry. It was after my last performance of The Cover of Life that I realized how much theater people mean to me. I cried, in public…in front of people, and I wasn’t embarrassed, and it wasn’t a funeral! Great Scott! This was my last go of it. The last tie to my college life, and acting career. Most likely the only other stage I will perform on from now on will be in a karaoke bar (Bohemian Rhapsody is a regular). I will now fade into the back, being the one that gives the words to the actors. I will be forever grateful for my experiences with theater kids though. The sting of putting yourself as an outsider is dulled with the reassurance that you are not crazy, that there is an outlet. Writing is my outlet to the world, but theater is my outlet to connect with people. I will never stop watching theater, or supporting my friends that are on their way to becoming super stars of the stage.
Thanks to the craziness of my first and last college theater festival I will now always remember to let people in, to show off my art, as those actors showed off theirs’.